Packing...

I don't want to.

I thought I was so ready for this, but I'm really not. I'm excited, but it hit me a few days ago that I really don't know what to expect, and that kinda scares me a lot.

I've been packing all day, and really, the only thing I've managed to get done is rip my room apart and shove all my clothes into 3 suitcases. So, my clothes (except for what I'm wearing for the next 8 or 9 days) are packed. And that is it. Nothing has been cleaned, nothing has been packed, but I have had a mini-breakdown and dumped it on him...and he came through with flying colors. Again. Somehow, no matter how much I'm freaking out, he knows exactly what to say to make me feel better. Mini-breakdowns seem to be the theme of this summer...and always while I'm cleaning (physically or mentally). I've probably cried more this summer than I have in the past three years, and I'm glad. Crying makes me think, and as much as I hate it, my head is always clearer after a long crying jag. I think I'm a different person today than I was on May 22nd, and the person I was on May 22nd is different than the one I was when I started senior year...things that happen.

Senior year was crazy. I found out who my true friends were, and there was even more of that during this summer. I realized that graduating really does pull you away from the people that are still in high school, no matter how close you are to them. I'm really glad that BFF is my roommate for next year. Shit. Nine days. Which means there's only what, twelve til I'm legal? Sweet. I'm completely ready for college...but I'm starting to feel anxious and a little apprehensive. Not as cocksure as I usually am about everything. I can't imagine how I would have been if I had ended up at East Coast Women's College or Large California Public University...probably a nervous wreck. But instead, I'm only a little nervous, and counting on the fact that I'm only a two hour drive from home to calm me down.

I'm sure that once I'm there, I'll be fine.