As much as I love my family, my little brother is one of the worst people I know. He is emotionally and verbally abusive and manipulative, and I see him turning into our biological father more and more every day. He treats me like dirt, and is the biggest reason I am so ready to move out. I have amazing friends, who mean just as much to me as my family does and sometimes more, and they have helped me realize that I am worth so much more than how I'm treated at home. At home, I am at best an inconvienience; at worst, a waste of space. They wonder why I choose to go out rather than stay in with them, and it's because, even though we can laugh together one moment, the next instant my brother is calling me a cunt and my mom is getting mad at me for it. I've never been close to my mom. I don't know why, we just aren't. Maybe it's the past ten years of her pushing me a little bit too hard, and I couldn't let her see me fail. The fact that I'm moving out is starting to repair our relationship, because neither of us want me to leave on bad terms. I just don't fit in with my family, and like I told my cousin's (then fiance, now) husband Paul at Thanksgiving, I sit there and sometimes it feels like I'm looking in at someone else's family. It doesn't feel like I belong with the family I was born into. Don't get me wrong, I know that in the grand scheme of family problems, I have it pretty damn good. I have three parents that love me and a great extended family...but my immediate family is pretty dysfunctional.
I need to experience life and love on my own.
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