I still owe you for the hole in the floor...

I suck at keeping New Year's resolutions, so I've made myself some beginning of October resolutions.

Stop procrastinating.
I am such a procrastinator. I really thought it would get better. I told myself it would get better. I got organized. I stayed organized, for once. For a few weeks, I stopped procrastinating, and actually did things the day they were assigned...and now I'm back to leaving papers til the day they're due. I'm frustrated with myself. I know it needs to change, because I'm busier than ever and every hour of my day is as packed as I can make it, but I lose steam after a few weeks...although, a few weeks is better than a few days, which is how I used to be. But it isn't just with school work. Cleaning, laundry, practicing, everything. I put everything off.
Practice every day.
I've gotten into a bad habit of going to my lesson on Wednesday and not practicing until Monday, and then freaking out because I'm so unprepared. I'm not as much of a musician as I could be because of this habit, and I want to progress more than I have in the past five weeks.
Read or write for enjoyment at least three times a week.
I miss reading and writing for myself. I don't think I've read anything because I wanted to since I moved up here, and I know that other than a couple short entries here, I haven't written anything. It's weird. I used to read constantly, and write almost as much. It was very therapeutic, and right now I do need that.
Be a kinder person.
This one's tough. After the whole roommate fiasco, I thought it was all her. But then I thought about it and realized that this sarcastic shell I put up to protect myself does nothing but hurt the people around me, even when I don't realize it. Obviously, the last thing I want to do is upset the people I care about, but that's what I often inevitably do. J has been an amazing force in my life in the past year, but in the past six weeks, especially, making me think of things from other people's point of view, helping me live in the moment, and be more calm about everything. He and the boyfriend are chipping that shell apart, one piece at a time, and re-exposing me to the world that I tried to shut myself out of for so long.
Talk to my mom more often.
We were never close when I was growing up, and now that I've moved out and we aren't arguing all the time, we have a better relationship, but I know I don't talk to her enough. My bad.
Be a healthier person.
This goes with all aspects of my life, not just physical health. I need to lose weight, not just because I want to look better, but because I don't like being out of breath when I walk up the stairs (although, being thinner is a plus). It's mental health--I need to come to terms with things that happened in my past, even if that means bringing back memories I don't want to relive ever again.
Go to InterVarsity every week.
I guess this kinda fits the health thing- my spiritual health. J is trying to get me involved with my faith again...after I turned 13, I completely lost all sense of direction, and even if Christianity isn't where I end up, I need to start somewhere, because right now, I don't believe anything, and it's killing me.
Remember why I chose this path for myself.
Last night, I took a 20 minute break to prepare my brain for Bach, and TubaMan was taking his own 20 minute decompression break, playing Postal Service and Something Corporate on the piano in the room across from me. I went in there to ask him a serious question, and it turned into us just talking for 20 minutes. Pretty awesome. One of the things he told me, though, was that at Fall Kickoff, one of the speakers talked about how before college, the reason people go into music is all passion. By college, you're completely focused on technique, and a lot of people forget the passion and that initial love for the music they're making. I still love it. I still love playing my instrument. I'm not to the point where I can completely stop thinking about my technique and just play; I won't be for a very long time. But I can play something and take a moment to remember why I do it--because I love it.