21

I just need to get this out.

I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm not good enough, that I'm making the wrong decision, and that doing what I think is right for me is going to completely backfire. I'm scared that I won't do any better at UA than I'm doing here, and that I'll be in the exact same place at the end of next semester. I'm scared that I won't be able to afford this change because of the economy, and that I won't be able to find a job here to help cushion my move or there to sustain myself. I'm scared that we won't be able to find an affordable apartment close to campus. I'm scared that there really is something wrong with me that makes me feel like this all the time, but at the same time, I hope there is, because that would explain the past six months. It scares me that I have to face the prospect of making this huge change in my life without any help or encouragement from my parents, even though they've made my life a living hell for wanting to do this.

The thing that scares me the most? I have no idea what I want to do once I'm there.