Afterbirthers Demand To See Obama's Placenta

WASHINGTON–In the continuing controversy surrounding the president's U.S. citizenship, a new fringe group informally known as "Afterbirthers" demanded Monday the authentication of Barack Obama's placenta from his time inside his mother's womb. "All we are asking is that the president produce a sample of his fetal membranes and vessels—preferably along with a photo of the crowning and delivery—and this will all be over," said former presidential candidate and Afterbirthers spokesman Alan Keyes, later adding that his organization would be willing to settle for a half-liter of maternal cord plasma. "To this day, the American people have not seen a cervical mucus plug, let alone one that has been signed and notarized by a state-certified Hawaiian health official. If the president was indeed born in the manner in which he claims, then where is his gestation sac?" Keyes said that if Obama did not soon produce at least a bloody bedsheet from his conception, Afterbirthers would push forward with efforts to exhume the president's deceased mother and inspect the corpse's pelvic bone and birth canal.

This. This is why I love the Onion, and why I wish I was a better writer. Satire could be the way to go for me. It's the way I talk, and I can't figure out when I lost the link between my brain and fingers.

One week down...

Trad 104...meh. I was really hoping for better. I'll stay in it, because it'll be a crazy easy A.

Indv 102...I'm more excited for this class than I was before. Our discussion TA is awesome, but the section itself is full of California valley girls who are idiots. (Questions heard today, no joke, included "do we really only get the weekend" "do we need to read" and "do we need to go to lecture")

Ling 178 isn't getting any better. Thankfully, I have two people in that class who know what's going on...unlike me.

Phys 102 isn't going to be simple, but it'll be easier because I've already taken physics once before. I like that all our homework is online.

Nats 104 is going to rule. I'm so excited for this class. I love genetics and evolution and all that stuff...

Orchestra...I'm still not sold, but I'm gonna stick with it at least for this semester.

Froshmore Year.

So, this year is a bit odd for me. Classes start on my birthday, UA can't decide what transfers and deems me a freshman again, and I'm back in orchestra.

Yeah, you read that right. I'm back in orchestra. I got a facebook message from my high school orchestra director (side note: LOL ex director facebook) that basically said one of the UA orchestras is light on the low end and needs cellists. I pondered that for awhile, and then decided what the hell. Nothing to lose by going to talk to the conductor, right? Well, I've now been set up with an instrument, my work schedule has been altered, and I guess I'm a member of the UA Phil.

Bwah? All in the space of 24 hours. I'm glad I'm doing it, though. I do miss playing. I don't miss being in a practice room forever. It'll be a good way to meet people. I think it'll be good for me, honestly. And the phil is the non-major orchestra, so it's less of a time commitment (2 concerts a semester instead of 4 or 5)

First up...Comparative Religions. Now, because it's a gen ed class and not a religions dept class, we're only covering the Abrahamic religions. I'm pretty bummed about that, not gonna lie, but it seems like it'll be a good class. I've heard the teacher is biased towards Christianity, but pretends not to be, so that'll be interesting, but so far, he just seems like a jolly older gent who has lots of stories to tell. This will more than likely be my easiest class.

Next...That One I Can Never Remember the Name Of. Actually, it's Many Ways of Being Human. As far as the instructor says, the course is mainly about inequalities in the world and environmental issues. Odd combo, but okay. The textbooks are (apparently, I haven't cracked them yet) written by a "radical sociologist" and then the 2006 World Bank something or other, so that we get "both sides." Uhh huh. Sure. Both sides. The prof says "hokayyy?" a lot and is very sweaty. This one will be pretty easy too, no tests or quizzes, just homework and an optional (!) final.

Break time!

LING 178. The Mathematics of Language and Linguistics. I was so excited for this class, and then I went in and it's taught by a Chinese grad student. Greeaaaat. More difficult, but not impossible.

My last class of the day (after a 2 hour break) is physics 102. Also taught by a grad student, but he's in his 6th year of PhD work, so I trust him a bit more. This is going to make or break my semester, and therefore my gpa. I took physics my junior year of high school and worked my ass off for a B, so I'm hoping enough of the conceptual stuff stuck and it'll just be the math I have problems with.

Um, yeah, I think that's it. Other than I need my paycheck so I can put money on my meal plan.

I'm going to get an instrument tomorrow, then I have one class, a 2 hour break, work, and orchestra.

I honestly don't understand

My parents are worried about the relationship I'm in because I'm "isolating [my]self from friends and family," but when I make an attempt to hold a conversation, there is no response. Apparently my mom had surgery recently...they decided not to tell me until after the fact, and I still don't know what the surgery was for. I myspace messaged my brother, because I miss him and wanted to talk, but he read it and didn't respond (I only know that because myspace indicates the action taken on messages.)

There is nothing wrong with my relationship with Wesley. We are in love, are extremely happy together, and he only wants the best for me. I talk to my dad and my aunt. If anyone is isolating themselves, it's my mom and stepdad. They make no attempt at a relationship, and if they would listen to me and give me a chance to explain some things, I would be much more willing to talk to them. As it is, every time I have talked to my mom, she ends up hanging up on me. My personal favorite is when she gives me a laundry list of problems, but I'm not allowed to respond, because she doesn't want to play the "back and forth game." I don't want to play that game. I just want a chance to defend myself against some glaring mistakes in logic. (Wesley got in a fight with his sister, ergo, he will start hitting me. By that logic, my brother will be an abusive partner too).

It's not that I don't want a relationship with my family. I just don't think I have any reason to put up with this, and I really don't think they have any right to treat me the way they have.